Sorry!

Mon, 14 Jan 2008 13:20:52 GMT

I'm sorry, I've had to go friends only because of certain people like MARSAILID MARSAILIDH MARSAILIDH who have been googling themselves and reading things they weren't supposed to.
There are somethings I'd rather only tell to strangers!
I still love you all though.
Katie

Gang Show is over :(

Tue, 27 Nov 2007 15:10:40 GMT

Last week was good! in terms of the show, we put on an awesome performance every night, and we got a four star review (bloody impressive for an amateur show! We were very proud of ourselves.

On Thursday was the Champagne breakfast. I arrived late because Dad didn't wake me up on time, but that was ok. We watched a video of the show from the night before, and it was well good! Afterwards, a whole bunch of us went bowling. We played three games, and I won one of them. I'm quite impressed by me cos I was drunk! After bowling we played on the arcade games for a while then wandered on down to the theatre. I went to Bennets for a while afterwards, and twas good, but I was tired, so I didn't stay long.
Chris had his operation on Thursday afternoon, but obviously, couldnt call me or anything while he was still in hospital, so I was quite worried about him.

He texted me on Friday morning once he'd been discharged and told me all about him. He's had a thing called a mastoid, which involve cutting open his ear and drilling a hole in his skull, and removing various bits and pieces. It took four hours, so he's really knocked from the anasthetic, and he's got a bandage inside his ear that he really just wants to pull out, but he's not allowed to. Poor man's not very well.

I didn't go out on Friday night after the show because I was really really tired, and I thought that way I would be able to go out on Saturday and really enjoy it.
But then on Saturday I got my period, which makes me faint and throw up, etc. So mum wasn't keen to even let me go to the show, but I did. We had a matinee and an evening performance, and i was close to fainting in both finales but managed not to. Anyway, I decided that going to the party wasn't a good idea at all because I would probably die or something, and I just went home to bed. I hung around to say bye to everyone, and Graeme hugged me and said he hoped I'd feel better soon. That was the last time I'll probably ever see him, It made me cry all the way home, and I'm getting tearful just thinking about it.

Makes me wonder... am I still in love with him? And if I am, does that mean this whole Chris thing was a big mistake, and I should have stayed with Graeme? I know I can't get him back now. If I was going to do that, I've totally missed my chance. He's got a new girlfriend and he's happy, sort of. And he's not in edinburgh any more, except for work. He might even move to the states soon. He's changed his mobile number and I don't know the new one.

He's just gone. And he's never coming back. And that's really quite hard to deal with, because he was wonderful, and I feel like, when I split up with him, I shoved him away from everything we did together, which had got to be most things. We did cubs together and he left that. We did church together and he left that. We did gangshow together and now that's finished and he's not coming back next year. I know he moved back home to Perth, so he's too far away to keep doing them, except that he had me to keep him here. He enjoyed everything we did and i feel like i took all that back from him, and now he's basically forced to build a whole new social life for himself again. Well he still had friends from school and stuff, but you know what i mean. I feel like i got too far into his life and then i just pulled out and left a mess. His family and friends really liked me and really thought that we were meant for each other. Having said that it was the same the other way round. It all seemed perfect, until i went and messed it up. Does the fact that I went and messed it up mean that it had flaws in the first place that i didn't really see? Does it mean that Graeme and I weren't meant to be, and something drastic had to happen to get us out because we were to set in our ways? I mean, I wanted to marry him. I knew we'd be happy together. Well i thought we would be. But now i wonder if we really would, because there was nothing in our relationship to test us, until this happened. And after like a year and a half, maybe I'd got too used to things being easy and i just couldn't deal with difficulties so i got out.

With me and Chris, we had training weekends before to set the scene, and then we were together for six weeks, and the only difficulty was trying not to offend people by to much public displays of affection, and finding a time and place to be together. Those weren't really difficulties to be honest, we didnt struggle much. We had the occasional day where we just hated each other. Like i'd be tired, and id annoy him, and he'd shout at me, and we wouldn't talk all day. Then at night, if i went to bed early he'd come and sit outside my tent and whisper to me until i wasn't angry any more, or i do the same for him, or we'd both stay up, and then run off up the hill to our secret love nest (yes we had one... it was lovely soft grass with trees overhead, and you could see the moon, and we'd take a blanket and sometimes we'd fall asleep there and wake up at half five when the sun came up. it was the best place in the world) and it would all be fine. We didn't even argue about sex etc. We disagreed initially, but i always wanted him to be right, because he was always the one saying it was ok, and i always thought it was probably wrong. We didn't have actual sex until our very last night in the hotel before we left. He knew that if something didn't happen that night, he'd lose me. And I knew it too. I didn't really have a problem with having sex. The second we found out we were staying in the hotel, we knew i'd stay in his room that night, and it was inevitable. The problem was, if i had sex with Chris, I could never go back to Graeme, and if i didn't have sex with chris then me and graeme would probably stay together for years and years, being pretty much like we always were.

Did I make the right decision? I don't know.

ANYWAY...
back to gangshow, I'm afraid I only have one photo for you, of me and Emma in our funky dresses with our fans...

Don't we look daft!

On Sunday, I had to get up and go to church to invite people to the Malawi presentation on Saturday night. I was well knackered but I went anyway. In the afternoon, I wanted to talk to Chris but he was sleeping when I phoned, so I couldn't. I watched Happy Feet, and RV, both of which were good. Well, RV was alright, it has a good ending. Happy Feet is awesome but I've seen it about 3 times now, so its getting a bit dull.

Yesterday, I bought train tickets to go down to see Chris in the holidays, after chirstmas, and the guy who served me was in my year at school, so i had a chat with him. And I went to a lecture, which was a bit dull, and I went to Cubs in the evening. We took them up to the Scout Centre, and we did the indoor scramble/bouldering wall, and some trampolining and garden jenga. It was good fun, but really really cold, because "indoor" was in side a barn that didn't have doors, just an open side.

Then today I went to another lecture. I only hae one left now before Christmas!! yay.

Chris is coming on Friday!! I'm so excited, even though i know he won't be as much fun as usual because he's still in lots of pain from his operation. Steve and Richard are coming too, but they aren't so exciting.

Anyway, I've got to go. Little brother is home "ill" from school, and I'm supposed to be looking after it. He just needs a clout round the head and a bit of discipline. He is the laziest little shit I have ever met, he really is, and it drives me crazy. I really think people should stop letting him get away with it. I do my best, but my parents just yell at me because "he's only little". He's fifteen years old, I think he's capable of changing his own bed sheets, keeping his room tidy, or even just clearing up after his own breakfast. /rant

Ramblings

Sorry!

Gang Show is over :(